Diary of an Anusara Yogi: Chapter 1

I recently dove into the most delectable read: the witty, engaging and magical, “Autobiography of a Yogi”, by Paramahansa Yogananda. Yogananda speaks of earthly matters right alongside the superpowers of the divinely-connected yogis he met along his path. He eloquently describes the divide between the acceptance within Indian culture at the time of working and devoting many years to what he described as earthly duties—be they working and making money to support a family or deepening your education—and the desire, or calling, to dedicate yourself to the pursuit of God, your divine connection, and the spiritual.

As a devoted Anusara yogi, this reference reminded me of how deeply connected I am to the intrinsic principles that guide my practice and teaching, and that within the present day, the urban pulse of Toronto, I can work on combining and accepting the importance of both my earthly endeavours and spiritual life. Through the tools emphasized within Anusara, I have found a way to reveal the divine within and around me, whilst accepting whole-heartedly my earthly purpose of creating a comfortable and happy existence.

I try to balance these with consistency, within my life and on my mat, be it as a teacher or student. I feel both the pull towards my life as a sannyasi, to pursue immersion in self-contemplation and practice, while also focusing on the development of my energetic and physical body. I try to honour the deep pull of my life on this earth, embracing my home, career, and relationships with my family, friends, and community, and as I blossom as a creative artist and powerful woman. Though I sometimes veer to one extreme or the other, I remind myself that through embracing both chaos and order, these extremes will begin to blend. With faith in a balanced, heart-based existence, I can unite my earthly and spirit selves into my true self, my truest vision, and my personal values and voice.

This brings me to the importance of vach, the human voice as an important tool, for the more I can speak my truth, the more deeply I can feel this truth on a regular basis. Yogananda described how “the potencies of sound and of vach, the human voice, have nowhere else been so profoundly investigated as in India. The Aum vibration that reverberates throughout the universe has three manifestations or gunas, those of creation, preservation, and destruction... Each time a man utters a word he puts into operation one of the three qualities of Aum. This is the lawful reason behind the injunction of all scriptures that man should speak the truth.” (Autobiography of a Yogi, p.22)

My aim with this blog is to continue to practice authentically communicating my truth. I am a yogi, a spiritual guide, and a bonafide light-worker! I am also a writer, and have an innate desire to communicate my experiences along this wild journey into my heart. I ask for no judgment, simply for my readers to open to their truth in their own unique way, whilst honouring my unique experiences as simply my service to my own self-healing and my offering to others.

I've always had huge challenges with communication, and felt it quite fitting to know at a young age that I was meant to be a writer. I fluctuated in my writing style as much as I stumbled in my communication and relationships with others. As a young child, I was introduced to meditation and yoga practices by my parents: my mother being a gifted meditation teacher and artist,and my father a dedicated scholar and poet. I now have the ability to look back on my childhood with clear, loving eyes, seeing the trials as stepping stones to the later realization of my path. When everyone was happy, my home life was delightful, with my parents encouraging my siblings and I to be our true selves. The blissful times were shadowed by intense disconnection and uncertainty, as the anger and frustration of an unhappy marriage catapulted my younger siblings and I into the responsibilities and education of daily life. Whenever sound was used to destroy instead of create or preserve, I was left distraught, doubting my heart and the concept of love. I remember my mother as extreme—her voice raised and using her intellect and passionate nature in cutting and hurtful remarks. My father was the opposite, remaining silent, sometimes for days at a time. My precocious young self was confused and hurt; something which affected me for years to come. In my teens I rebelled, experimenting with drugs, alcohol, and other self-destructive behaviours, as I felt my true self wasn't good enough.

My yoga practice, which I began to reestablish within my early twenties, has given me the best gift—the tools to strengthen my ability to speak my truth. I remind myself that each day consists of different challenges and revelations that help me feel in harmony with myself and my surroundings. I practice mantra, chanting the sacred sound of Aum, Om Namah Shivaya, or the Ganesha or Gayatri mantras, and utilizing japa meditation and kirtan to activate my own potent sound. I have interlaced these with meditation techniques in which past scenarios where I felt shame or guilt to use my present clear voice to shift the outcome and heal from my past actions. I step onto my mat to Open to Grace to discover my unique offering, wisdom, and capacity for guiding others to sense this as well. Yogananda described the path of a yogi so succinctly, when he relates how his mother was first told by a guru that her son was to be a yogi. He describes this path as being a spiritual engine, carrying many souls to God's kingdom.

I concur. By exposing yourself to your light, the same light that is the entirety of the universe itself, you can acheive blissful union. So step into the Wild Surf Ride and train yourself to stand strong under the great, forceful power of nature that is around you and inside of you. Acknowledge that sometimes you may fall into dark depths that seem to coldly engulf you, and remind yourself that a mistake, is clearly just another opportunity to rise up and stand tall again. immersing yourself in the teachings of the dark gives us profound reverence for the ever-present light. Constant co-creators with the universe we are. So I ask how do we choose to manifest and liberate the desires and passions that are behind our voice, our unique heart's song?